Trees

I'm an Alabama fan.  I don't hate Auburn, it's alumni, football team or school. I silently rooted for them in the championship game because even though we are rivals, they are still in the SEC and from the great state of Alabama.  Did I wish it was us? Sure.  But you can't be National Champions EVERY year.
As much as I love Fall Saturdays, I had to stay off Facebook on gameday because fans on both ends are just too hateful and obnoxious for me tolerate.  I'm not talking about WDE! or RTR!!  That' cool.  It's the, "What up now you bammers?"  or "SCAM Newton!" EVERY WEEKEND even though we play each other ONCE. I could lower myself to their levels and sling a lot of shit in response, even right now, but I'm not going too.  Because I have class (go ahead and chuckle while you give me the wicked side eye...I am a classy FOOTBALL FAN...I didn't say shit about having class while I was posting profanity laden rants on the internet).  The latest development that I'm sure will ignite some hideous turf war concerns the poisoning of the Toomer's Corner Oaks.  This is an unspeakable act of vandalism. Those tree's are 130 years old and whether they are on Dauphin Street or Auburn's campus, killing one is just a fucktardian thing to do.  It pisses me off to see them taken down no matter where they are planted.  It's not like they are statues that can be reproduced.  They have to grow over 100's of years.
I understand the Auburn fans are outraged.  They have a right to be. I wish like hell it woulda been an LSU fan (or ANYbody else) who did the deed, but it wasn't.  Mr. Tree Killer is a self-proclaimed member of Saban-nation.  Well, sir, you may be a fan of Alabama, but Alabama is not a fan of you.  I hope he gets the book thrown at him.  So far he's only been charged with criminal mischief but hopefully some violation of environmental law lands him in hotter water.
Now that I have proclaimed my sincerest condolences to the CLASSY Auburn fans who know that this jack off wasn't your run of the mill Bama Fan, let the rant begin.
To you douchehole asshat classless Auburn fans that have taken over my facebook page....FUCK YOUR TREES.  That's right.  If you weren't such a bunch of whiny dickholes spewing hate towards ALL Alabama fans I'd have some sympathy for you and your precious traditions.  But since you have to post link after link of news stories about this and then dig up even MORE news stories of other Alabama fans being pricks over the years in a ridiculous attempt to try and paint all of us in a shitty light...fuck you.  You think Auburn doesn't have any fucking skeletons in its closet?  Ha. But I'm not going to waste my time digging up every article of negative press *cough* scam *cough* you've received.  We all know what they are.  That guy that killed your stupid trees....he's a white trash redneck from TEXAS for God's sake.  He's not like me or any fucking other bama fan I know so I don't appreciate your little "Hope you're proud you Bammers" comments. Fuck you.  Of course we aren't proud of that dick.  We aren't like YOU.  Who stand behind CRIMINALS just because they wear the same fucking ugly jersey.
To my dearest friends who happen to be Auburn fans, I hope you understand that this isn't toward you.  This is toward your less than stellar fan mates who have obviously struck quite a nerve with me.  I'm sorry about your trees.
xo
B